A Winter Without Much Snow!

Afternoon Folks,

We are well into the New Year and winter. Here in Flagstaff it has been wintry cold most nights but most days have been warm. We had a little snow on Monday and yesterday, a very small amount. The Nordic Center closed right after the New Year. Quite a few people who reside here love it. That is not my feeling. I wanted more ski time.

I have been thinking about friendship a lot lately. Friendship in my life has been limited by me. My feeling has been to have a few "real" friends and not like those folks who think of acquaintances as friends. It has been my contention that we make only a few, very few "good" friends in our life. This was reinforced by sociological research on which I based a few lectures while still teaching.

So, here goes . . . There is a continuum of commitment to social interaction involved in our lives. At one end are folks we meet but have superficial interactions with . . . these kind of relations are called "instrumental," or secondary. Most of the time this type of interaction is functional. It is the way most of our everyday "business" is conducted.

As you move along the continuum line you get more commitment to interaction therefore, closer acquaintances. Finally, at the other end you have friends and family. These relationships are called primary, marking their importance to the individual. While not all family members share a primary relationship there is an institutional framework here, as in you may theoretically love all your siblings (or maybe not) but you may be closer to some than others. Friends are high commitment, high interaction people in your lives. This is crucial to friendship. If these attributes do not survive time then neither does the friendship. Those people move back along the continuum to acquaintances.

This is where my thoughts have taken me today as regards my friends. Because of my solitary nature I have left a lot of "friends" behind, or relegated them to "acquaintances." Other people in my life who I have diligently attempted to maintain "friendships" have, in my opinion, moved me to that other category. For some of these folks they seem to have layers of what they call friends but are really acquaintances. What I mean by layers is that some friends have lower priority than others in descending rank for these individuals, hence lesser commitment to interaction.

In my case I have felt this with those who I have considered my friends. In the case of one individual in particular it was patently evident last summer when another "friend" was around I played "second fiddle." It is not that I am jealous but have spent my life analyzing relationships and my observations are just that.

For any friendship to be maintained all channels of communication have to be open between those who share that relationship. For example, ideally spouses should share a primary relationship. But in some cases they begin not to communicate openly any longer. Their's becomes a functional relationship communicating only about those attributes necessary for each in their lives. Once you say to yourself, "Oh I cannot tell him (her) that, they will get upset," then you have withdrawn from that deep interaction level which measures, sociologically, "friendship."

This may be how some of my "friends" view me these days. Possibly, I am no longer a friend, or have moved down a tier in their pantheon, which means the same thing. But maybe it is just me since none of those I call "friends" live in Flagstaff, out of sight, out of mind. And remember, a lot of friends move out of your life over time for whatever reasons. You may not even know why. They do not have time for you anymore. They have higher, and other priorities. I have no excuse for my lack of communication with some but others that I have attempted to maintain do not necessarily reciprocate.

Probably the biggest misnomer in the use of the term "friend" has been promulgated by Facebook! So, all of you out there counting your "friends" on Facebook in the hundreds, get real!

These are just a few thoughts mixed with sociological analysis for your cold, or not so cold winter afternoon.

Movies: Since last I blogged I left you with a list of my ranking of top films of 2011. Therein lies a problem since many movies that are up for awards do not come out in general release until January. A case in point is the wonderful film, The Artist, a silent one at that. I viewed this one yesterday with some trepidation because of the lack of dialog. But, once I got into it, it became enthralling. Another aspect that might throw many off is that is in "black and white." Give it a chance. It is an excellent film.

Last week I saw Contraband with Mark Wahlberg. It was entertaining but not a great cinematic offering. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy I went to for the second time. I love spy movies. I had read John Le'Carre's novel years ago on which this was based and seen the BBC mini-series with Alec Guinness in the title role now played by Gary Oldman. I wanted to pick-up detail I had missed during my Christmas Eve viewing. I liked it even more this time. However, I must caution you. This is an "old-fashioned" spy thriller with twists and turns in the plot without the over the top, and unrealistic action of a Mission Impossible.

It is time to close another of these mundane blogs and get you back to your regularly scheduled lives.

Adios from very moderately snowy Flagstaff.